Looking Back
by Lioness's Heart
Summary: Sequel to Rat and Dog. There was something that was lost between them - they were so distant now. If Rosto had known that they would grow so distant, he never would have let her go to Port Caynn alone.


**Disclaimer: I am not Tamora Pierce. She owns Tortall and _The Legend of Beka Cooper_, not me.**

**So, I was looking through some of my old files the other day and I ran across this one, which I had entirely forgotten about. It was written nearly two and a half years ago, not long after _Rat and Dog _was posted. This fic actually takes place about two years after _Bloodhound _in and it does take it into account, but it is the sequel to _Rat and Dog_ and is thus a bit Beka/Rosto, though not overtly so. Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to review!  
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><p>In retrospect, there was so much that Rosto the Piper would have changed. He would never have let Beka go to Port Caynn alone – even if she had indeed had Goodwin with her – like that. He never would have let her go, and he never would have let her end up with Dale Rowan.<p>

It had been months since she had lost her first partner, Wes, and even longer since they day he had dared her to chase him through the Lower City. Since then, all of that had changed. He had not been there to catch her like he had said he would. He had let Dale Rowan catch her instead.

Now he could only wish that he had actually gone to Port Caynn with her like he had wanted to. Instead, he had stayed and done his duty. He had done what he was supposed to as the Rogue.

The only problem with that was that he had not _wanted_ to do that. He had wanted to go after her, to be there and help her. But instead, she had gone with Goodwin, and he had stayed behind, even when his heart told him that he would never get another chance like that again. And that was true. He wouldn't. He wouldn't let himself have that.

He would not be the one to catch her when she was trying to get over what had happened when the relationship she had had with Rowan had been ended. He was not going to pursue her when the only reason she might turn to him was desperation.

When she had come back, they had fought, and bitterly at times. Rosto had not been able to keep the anger or the jealousy down. He had been jealous that all of his attempts to win her affection had not been enough. Yet, she had practically thrown herself into the arms of a man she didn't know half as well as she knew Rosto when given the chance. That stung.

In the end, what he had done had been ten times worse: he had pushed her away more. He had stopped trying to kiss her, to put his arm around her when she was not paying attention, or even talking to her at all. All he'd ever have to do when he talked to her was bite his tongue anyway. He so wanted to tell her that he did care, and that the only reason he acted that way was because he didn't want to be the one she went to just because the relationship she'd been in hadn't worked out. He wanted her to know, and he knew he couldn't anymore. Before, it had been different. She hadn't had a man in the year he'd known her before she'd gone to Port Caynn.

Now, he would just bite his tongue and avoid her, letting her alone until she decided that she actually did care about him at all, even as a friend. He was fairly certain that she hated him at this point, but he could not help but love her still. She was still so beautiful to him, so beautiful that he wanted to cry and beg to know why he couldn't be the one she had chosen.

But he had kept his silence and he had let her have it her way. She would not have a rusher pursuing her, and she would not have to worry about Rosto being the same as the cove who had beaten her mother.

"Rosto?" A voice jolted him out of his thoughts. Rosto pushed himself into a sitting position on his bed, which he had been sprawled on since just after the Court of the Rogue had disbanded for the night. He had woken not long after dawn, but he had not bothered to get up, merely laying there and thinking.

"What?" he asked, blinking a few times to clear his eyes. Beka and Aniki were standing in the doorway to his room. The former had her eyebrows raised, while Aniki just leaned against the doorframe. Rosto scrunched his eyes closed for a moment, then looked back at the two women.

"We were just wondering…" Aniki said. "You've been distant lately."

Rosto paused for a moment, then shrugged as he got to his feet. He was silent as he crossed to his clothespress, considering what to say next.

"I wasn't aware of that," he replied nonchalantly. Aniki's eyes narrowed as she watched him. Beka was frowning slightly, but she still had not spoken.

"You are a very bad liar sometimes," Aniki informed him. He glanced at her, a frown on his handsome face.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it said. You know that you've been distant and you aren't going to do anything about it, are you?" the Scanran woman asked. Rosto raised an eyebrow, giving her a look that only showed his annoyance.

"I am not being distant. Leave it alone," he said. "Go have breakfast downstairs. I have a few things that need to be done before I go down," he added. Aniki pursed her lips, exchanging glances with Beka.

"Rosto…" she started. Then she shook her head and turned away, leaving Beka standing in the doorway. Both of them were completely silent as Rosto pulled out a clean shirt and rapidly switched it with the old one. He ignored her presence as he pulled the tie out of his messy horsetail and took a moment to fix it.

When he turned toward the door again, she was still there. Beka's arms were crossed over her chest as she looked at him, a very unhappy look on her face.

"What?" he demanded. Beka did the same as Aniki had – she shook her head at him.

"She's right," Beka informed him. "You are a bad liar sometimes. Everyone can tell that you have been distant lately." Rosto paused, biting his lower lip.

"Maybe it's for a good reason," he replied finally. He ran a hand over his white-blond hair, turning the other way so that he didn't have to face her icy stare.

"What reason is it, then?" she asked. Rosto made a face, but kept his back to her. He sighed, leaning his head back. He needed an excuse, but he could not think of a single one that Beka would not shoot down.

"It's none of your business," Rosto told her. Beka rolled her eyes dramatically at him.

"That's a load of pig scummer," she informed him. "You are such a pain, Rosto!"

"Maybe you should have thought about that when you were my friend," he snapped. Beka paled.

"Were?" she asked.

"Yes. Were. It does not seem like we're friends anymore, now does it?" Rosto inquired. Beka pursed her lips, another faint frown on her face. Then, slowly, she shook her head.

"You're right," she said in a quiet voice. "I don't think we are either. Why is that?" she asked. Rosto shrugged.

"Don't know. A lot has happened," he said. "Somewhere along the way, things changed."

Beka's only response to his statement was silence. He turned to look at her after a few moments, wondering what had caused it. She was staring at the floor, a sad look on her face.

"What's wrong?" Rosto asked. Beka sighed.

"You're right," she told him. "A lot has happened. I've made a few mistakes and so have you. It's just…" she trailed off, shaking her head. Rosto frowned slightly. He took a few steps toward her and she finally looked up at him.

"It's just what?" he prompted, reaching up to brush stray strands of her dark blond hair out of the way. The expression on her face shifted between fear and uncertainty.

"It's just…you weren't there to catch me like you said you would be," Beka admitted, looking down at the floor again. "My relationship with Dale has taught me something – if you don't take something when it's offered and savor it while you can, then you'll lose it all together. You said you would be waiting for me, but you aren't," she said.

Rosto stared at her for a few moments, his thoughts whirling in multiple directions. Had she just said that she had changed her mind? Even when she had blatantly told Kora months before that she wanted love, just not with him?

"You chose someone else, Beka. Why would you want me to wait?" he asked. "You can't have it both ways," he reminded her. "I'm not going to wait forever."

"You said you would!" Beka protested. "You said I just had to tell you when I was ready…"

"That was then. This is now," Rosto replied. "You chose the bank courier over me. My promise was voided the moment you gave your heart to another." Beka's lower lip quivered.

"That's not fair," she told him. "You of all people should know that what happened between me and Dale was nothing more than what happened between you and every mot you've been with since you came here."

"That is another matter entirely and you know it," Rosto hissed. "It was still your choice. You practically threw yourself at him like a sarden little doxy, and now you've come crawling back, expecting me to wait for you like a love-struck little pup. I am no puppy, Beka. I am the Rogue, and I make my own choices."

"Then why can't you accept mine? I made a mistake! Every mot my age and older has made a mistake from time to time! I'm only human, Rosto."

"It was a mistake, was it?" Rosto asked skeptically. "That wasn't what you were saying a while back," he pointed out. Beka only shook her head at him.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you," she said quietly. "You're just like the rushers my ma was with."

"I am not like them, Beka," Rosto snapped. "I'm just tired of waiting. It's been two years. You can't expect a cove to wait forever," he continued, his voice softening.

"I wasn't expecting you to wait forever," Beka replied. "You only had to wait until I realized that I had made a mistake. Now you're just trying to throw it all out the door…" Rosto sighed.

"Do you know why I did that, Beka?" he asked. She shook her head, the frown reappearing. "I'm tired of being hurt. What you did hurt. You knew how I felt before you left," he told her softly. "And you did it anyway."

Beka nodded. "I'm sorry about that. I know I hurt you…but can't you just give me a chance?" she asked. Rosto sighed again.

"You already had many chances. One more isn't going to make much of a difference," he said. Beka smiled faintly.

"Then how can I make it up to you?" she asked. "If I tell you that I love you, would that make it better?"

"Undoubtedly," Rosto told her. "But you'll have to catch me first."

With that, he slipped past her and headed toward the stairs. Beka laughed and followed him, the memories of their last chase through the city flitting through her mind. This time, she was going to catch him.


End file.
